'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
