Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
