Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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