i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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