that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
