So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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