I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
