Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Holy sore nipples Batman
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
