I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
