Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
