I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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