His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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