I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
