I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
