Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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