Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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