Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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