it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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