Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
