I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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