new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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