MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
