you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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