Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
