I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
