he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just high enough for therapy.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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