i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
