He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
