on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
