took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
