we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
