Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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