haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
