Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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