Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
