Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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