Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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