What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Someone shattered a urinal.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
