please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
