Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
