I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
