Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
