idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
