textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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