ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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