Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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