Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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