somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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