Non-Jews are for practice
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Quick, to the slutcave!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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