TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
